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Dear Dad,
Went to Daniela's and James' baby shower yesterday. It was a wonderful party and just really a lot of fun. Chris and Cindy came; it was nice seeing them. I think James is getting really excited. After leaving the baby shower instead of going home and relaxing, he opened everything and put things together that were in pieces. And he keeps saying that he thinks the baby is going to come early. I think he's hoping the baby will be be here early, because he's excited for him to be here. Mom called Granny Harp to tell her about the gifts that I bought for them with the money she sent and she said that my basket I left you had finally deteriorated and that someone finally removed it. I knew it wouldn't stay together for very long. I think I may get another one that's a little more substantial...though I'm not sure now what I would put into it. I was just nice knowing it was there and if I wanted to leave something with you that I could and it would be inside of something, instead of just leaving it sitting out in the open next to your headstone. It kind of felt like we were sharing something, just the two of us.

-Tiff

Dear Dad,
My birthday...really my birthday week was wonderful. I ate more in Atlanta than I should have eaten in a week! Everything was just so good. I was pretty unhappy with my Bench Monday shot though. It felt sort of rushed...I guess it was. I like having quiet time for those things and tried getting up and shooting it while Eric was getting ready. However my initial thoughts were no good on film. I didn't bother shooting a Bench Monday for the following week, once I got to New York. My mind was too busy for me to concept a good idea clearly. I realized that I missed New York more than I've got words to describe. I just felt so in sync with everything. I don't know if it was because I was on vacation or if it was truly the harmonizing of the city with my being. I'm honestly going with the latter. I walked down 42nd street as the sun was rising and I've don't ever remember feeling so empowered. As I was being sprinkled in a slow crescendo of orange light (this is absolutely my favorite light of the day and even beats the most beautiful of sunsets) I thought to myself, "I can do this...this city. I'm ready again." I realize now that me moving there years ago was a tough thing to allow. You did. And didn't let on to how that might have made you feel. I can't say that I know what that did to you, as I haven't walked through it, but based on my feelings with Lexi I have an idea. The most amazing thing is that I went...and knew nothing of the difference in you. I'm at lunch right now, sitting at my desk and am having such a hard time not being in New York. I really want to be there, but know that right now I can't, and really maybe never. I think mom needs me more right now than I need the city and hope Eric is okay with that...at least for now. I miss you dad. Good things are on the horizon...I just know it and I just wish you were here.

-Tiff

Dear Dad,
Lexi brought back a cough from camp and has officially handed it off to me. It could be worse though...I'm not feeling too awful, but the cough is very annoying. I'm excited about our week vacation to see Paula in Atlanta and Linda in NY. And of course seeing Lexi after the three weeks. Though I'm afraid of our travel back. We booked our tickets on a discount airline and I've heard awful things...of course after we purchased the tickets. I hope all will be okay and there won't be too many delays. I hope Mom will be okay while we're gone...it's a full week. I know the house will be quiet.

-Tiff

Dear Dad,
Lexi is back from camp and every time she comes back, through all the stories she shares I'm able to see that the time away from her and every penny of the monetary cost are just so worth it. I really believe that her going helps her build a strong sense of self within her...not to mention she just gets to be a kid for a couple of weeks. There are so many times that I expet her to me so much of an adult or at least on the mature side of her age that she deserves to let it go for a little bit. She's off to NY tomorrow for three weeks. I will miss her dearly; it seems so long to be away from her. Though I'm really looking forward to our (me and Eric) vacation to go and pick her up. Eric and I are going to see Paula for a couple of days and then go to NY ourselves for a few days before picking her up to bring her back home. I get to see Paula...it's been WAY too long and Linda is going to be in NY when we are, so I'm pretty excited about the whole thing.

I also realized that I didn't write you on Father's Day. I just wasn't really sure what to write so I just didn't...though the day didn't pass without a thought of you. I thought of James too and how next year he'd have something really great to celebrate. I thought I should be going to the cemetery, but really I'm closer to you right where I am. Someone wished me a happy father's day and I wanted to tell them how stupid they were for quickly snapping me into a reality without you, when maybe for the moment prior that wasn't where my head was. However, I thought maybe they had nothing else to say and it was the first thing on their mind, and thus it was spilled. All of this on top of the fact that I thought it weird that someone was wishing me a Happy Father's Day, when clearly I don't have a beard and don't ever have a chance of being a father.

I just didn't want you to think that I forgot. I never do.

-Tiff

Dear Dad,
Things have just been so busy lately, but have slowed down a little in my head over the last couple of days. While looking for something in an old office of a friend of mine I found a copy of that paper handed out at your viewing and funeral. That slowed things down for me a little. I just knew it was your way of saying hi and reminding me that you're there. It was good to feel that.

We took Lexi to camp again this summer; this year for two weeks. Lexi was so excited because she got moved up to the next oldest cabin and was disappointed last year when that wasn't the case. I thought of you on the drive there when we stopped for lunch at a place that only takes cash or personal checks...you know those are the best places to eat. You would really like it there.

James and Daniella are getting near the baby's arrival. They went to get a 3D sonagram last weekend. It shows so much detail of the baby's face...really amazing. Mom is sleeping lots again and I wished she'd get up and out of the house more often. I was happy she came with us to take Lexi. She was debating it for a couple of days, but I'm sure she's happy that she ended up going in the end. Granny Harp seems to be doing well...much better than I was expecting. I hope you and Grandpa are well...I'm sure you are...

-Tiff

Dear Dad,
I took a different way home than normal today and thought of you. I passed by the the little store where we bought boiled peanuts before sitting along Orange Avenue to watch Lexi in her parade. It was a little early in the morning to be eating boiled peanuts, but they were good. That and they reminded me of being a kid because I was following suite and doing what you were doing. I remember you being fond of boiled peanuts...stopping off alongside the road sometimes. Today was a rough day. It was a downward spiral of unfortunate events. Tomorrow will be better.

-Tiff